I Love You, Maybe

I love you
and hush...
I know, I am doomed.

You don't have to do anything.
Just move.
In or away,
I won't ask you. I don't want to know.

Perhaps, just smile.
Or truthfully, touch my hand.

I love you,
and
maybe
tomorrow I
will miss
loving you.

the F word

Just because I don't talk

doesn't mean I don't care.

You simply need to hear me when I am most silent. You simply need to see through me so you'd understand. 

I hear you. You don't have to repeat yourself. I get your point. I feel you.

I just want to become, I just want to live. Now, give me a chance. He is not worth it.

Just because I don't matter now

doesn't mean I don't exist.

Gusto

I want to
swim in your head,
rise from
your heart....

And leave.

Starbucks v2

Nananahimik ako
nakaupo sa Starbucks
pahigop-higop ng aking
kape, nagmamatyag,
nagpapalipas oras.

Bumukas ang pinto. At
hayan ka, kasama sya.
Nakapaldang plantsado,
maiksi at ang
kanyang blusa- hapit,
nakayakap
sa malusog nyang dibdib.
Ang buhok nya makintab.
Ang muka nakapinta.

Ako, nandito. Basa sa ulan at
natuyo sa lamig ng Starbucks.
Malagkit
ang pakiramdam ng balat.
Yudyod ang kwelyo ng
t-shirt,
ang sneakers ko puno ng
putik at pantalon ko'y butas...
Ang lamig nanunuot na
naman....

Something Else

I was going through some changes lately and I did not know that at this certain age, I could be such a novice... and almost too naive. I've always thought that because I have a very rich and eventful past, I could always go cruising without the caution...but no. I surprised myself. Big time.

Life is THE unexpected gift. It constantly gives you presents that you do not even ask for. And it's just a matter of how you open your nicely wrapped box, take it as you see it and then... decide if you want to keep it.

Yesterday, I had to ring an amigo not because I missed my chum, but I wanted to feel if there was an air of friendliness in something that started way too friendly. It was a beautiful tie. And it still is. We kind of form a fellowship of two crazy people whose control over ONE great circumstance lacked equilibrium. My scale tilted towards the challenging logic of feeling while my friend's... the provocative feeling of the rationale. And we both are scales.

It shook me. For a moment I was asking why I slipped. I did not want more. I did not yearn for a fairy tale because the bond was more than enough reality for me. And then I realized: it's just me. It's still me. A rookie almost pretending to be an expert, a seasoned someone.

I had to move on. I have to continue walking with my amigo - the one person who does not know that what he does is exactly what I want done.

If I survived my frankness, then I can survive this. And I realize: it's still me. It's just me. You can never tell. You can never assume.

Drugged

Drugged.

I look at the ceiling. White. With glowing stars and moons and rocket ships. Some asteroids and comets colliding. Nice. A splendid view. Magical. Glamorous. Calming my senses.

I see my angel up on my ceiling. Smiling plainly at me. With frozen tears. Wearing a cloak of sadness. And then I ask myself: what does the angel do up there? What is my angel? What is an angel?

Fly. I fly away. From my bed to my ceiling. And maybe in a while, I will fly out from my window. Uh-oh.... This is not suicide. It's just a lovely escape away from YOU.

Of Typhoon, Music and Drowning

Aretha sings. Ms. Typhoon goes a-mighty strong. The clouds all a-clutter. Reasons all flung up in the gloomy sky. And I think aloud. I give you a piece of my weather. Internal weather.

I am so wet, soaking wet with words that I can already drown. I drown, then sink, sink, sink.

The wind is like a band of various chants, different instruments playing a universal ballad-LOVE. Yes, love. The first forecast of my own climate. That kind when a whirlwind becomes such a usual prediction. The type that makes me want to just raise the white flag and sleep. Give up. Give in.

Now, Blur buzzes in. Another kind of chill, but same feeling I get from Aretha. Beetlebum. And Ms. Typhoon raging outside.

Still, I am so wet. I keep on swimming and drowning... in a lake of wishful thinkings, vivid reveries and one truth: HIM.

[my] boo boo

Oops. I broke my cup.
A brimful cup of freshly brewed me.

I refuse to admit
it was boiling, yet cold
like
a glass... it was
full of clear, but
blank representations.

Oops. I broke my cup.
My bad.

Beautiful

he

keeps all
things
beautiful,

beautiful,

beautiful.

then he
keeps all
to himself.

this is beautiful...

beautiful,

beautiful.

Bintana at Salamin

Sa harap ko: ikaw.
tumatagos ang titig, lumalamig ang tingin.
Ano ba ang alam mo?
Mga gusali, ang buwan at ilaw:
puro salita, purong diwa ay hangin.
Ano ba ako?

Tatayo, maglalakad, maninigarilyo.
Susulyap sa aking kaibigan:
Papatak na ba?
Hindi mapakali, napapakamot sa ulo.
Titigil... at isang palaisipan:
May luha na?

Sa harap ko: ikaw.
Sumisigaw ang pipi pero tikom ang labi.
Umiiyak ang mga matang nagyeyelo sa manhid...
Sa bintana. Sa bintanang salamin.

G Minor

Take me away as I cannot think. I strum our guitar and the tune feels right. The strings, how rough they are to my delicate hands, hit me to the core. They have their own sound, the guitar has its own music.

Come here. Let me hear you. Sing. Sing. Sing.

G minor... I cannot even play you.

5

Sometimes
it is useless
to feel when
you can't see
a touch
nor rubbish
to hear when all that
matters is
smelling your
taste.

Precious

trivial
nonsense
selfish
i
love
you
and secretly,
i
own
you.

You Understand

the statement
the rules
my words
i defy...
only because
of a sparkle in
your far away
sky
only because your
voice resembles
that phenomenal
symphony
[with]
every norm
i break
i cry just so
you know my covenant
does not die
just so
you discern
my mouth
my tongue
don't lie
when i play
i don't lose the game
when i
don't
i win my man.

How You Make Me

Your love makes me cry
just as [how] lovely
you make me come
your cheeks are as rosy
as your words
sugary sweet, juicy,
palatable
Oh boy, come...
come to me because i will
make you.

The Day Before

I'm missing you
the stars
the moon
the faint sky
i breathe you
desperate
i want to
kiss your mouth
and not care
about the distance
my compass
i'll find me one
i'll get there
beside you
my haven
the heaven of a
heart - sunken
somewhere a
familiar spot a
lovely eden

My point is... my heart is torn knowing that when i close my eyes to sleep, my beloved awakes to see a new sun... the sun i saw this morning.

High Times

Mary Jane. Oh, MJ. My hands are shaking. Your high is a little higher than I thought. It makes me shiver. Speedball. The taste's a Ganja. The heavens open up and I am confused... has it given me wings? Now, I feel like I am flying. Flying above the highest cloud, but dragging myself down to the bottom. I swim in the unfathomable ocean of wonders and lovely thoughts.

I cry because my girl is with you. She flows in your system. She's taken over you. Her strength is more supreme than my love. And my love... you refuse to feel now.

Anytime, you hurt me. Everytime, you say you're sorry. I am dreamy... faraway...wistful. Call 911. This pickle. This hurt. It's too real. Oh, Mary Jane! What have you done Love?

Moony-Moony

I wonder how love becomes hurt and why love becomes the remedy of hurt itself.

Privacy. Space. These two can kill me. I hate silence. I hate not knowing. I hate that nothingness... but I respect individuality.

I cannot elaborate more on what's eating me now. The world seems to love gnawing at me. It savors my weakness. It explores my limitation....

I stop writing now. I took a pill. Its shape is irregular. The dosage given - a ton of understanding.

Yosi Break

Slick
White
Smooth
whisper
your longing
let me
smoke it
Take
one fag to
the world
leave the
other
[to me] so
i can
burn
Burn
Live
Be Human.

Chuck Taylor VS. James Taylor

Damp hair. Shoe laces and untangled strings. I come to work every morning caring less about how I appear to my audience - the edifice of dreams in a corporate cloud.

He is taken. His soul is taken away by another voice. Lyrics. Words. Libretto. Him in him. If I could do astral projection, I'd start with an analysis, not an overture.

What a clutter! Headphones, a Nescafe mug, sign pens and a concoction of thoughts with my Chucks on. Chucks bleached. Chucks faded.

You laugh. You grin. You smirk. You type. You listen to songs. You reminisce. You cry. You scream. You love. I watch you sleep in my imagination. I picture how your bed forms your body. How the night cuddles you is a vision to me. How you doze off the day's ennui - my relief. How you live with James' song - I envy.

I walk on the yellow lane as 18-wheelers halt to let me pass safely. I reach the gate where my death awaits me. I light up a stick out of my youth. I stare blankly at my shoes. Then you come in to me. Come to me.

I wait. And I do it patiently. I equal my waiting to my magnum opus: YOU. Finally. You. Me. Us.

Big Me

Most people cannot handle me. I don't wonder why. I don't even care. I am transparent and clear. If people assume I am like this or that, I let them be. What matters is who I am to me.

It is human nature to make mistakes. Even more human if you fail. Perfection comes not from perfecting the deed itself, but how you master improvement. How you stand up from the fall. How you redeem yourself. How you define yourself based from your boo-boos.

I used to think my name was Fault - I was mistakenly born by the rightness of making love. I grew up in a very strict Trial-and-Error community. My school's name was Independence. My own freedom was Me. I wanted someone, something to control me. I yearned for someone, something stronger. Beyond wanting to be controlled, I needed to be tamed. I was everything that I did. Careless, but hopeful. Hasty, but headstrong.

Regret is not in my vocabulary. It does not exist to me nor it bothers my conscience. Yesterday only made me well-built for tomorrow.

What I am is what I will be.

-Love-

I plan as
You liberally
Move on
The freeway
Dates
Are just numerals
That
Add weight
To your scale
And
They
Are a pledge
To me

We meet
At
An exclusive
Rendezvous
Just you
And
Me
Drive me
I
Lead
You

He was all that I am now. He was that world I could not live in. That air I was not allowed to breathe. That dream I couldn't transform into something real.

He was all that I am now... He was the empty space that fills my universe....

If you find irony in this love letter, then you know how deeply I am in love.