Something Else

I was going through some changes lately and I did not know that at this certain age, I could be such a novice... and almost too naive. I've always thought that because I have a very rich and eventful past, I could always go cruising without the caution...but no. I surprised myself. Big time.

Life is THE unexpected gift. It constantly gives you presents that you do not even ask for. And it's just a matter of how you open your nicely wrapped box, take it as you see it and then... decide if you want to keep it.

Yesterday, I had to ring an amigo not because I missed my chum, but I wanted to feel if there was an air of friendliness in something that started way too friendly. It was a beautiful tie. And it still is. We kind of form a fellowship of two crazy people whose control over ONE great circumstance lacked equilibrium. My scale tilted towards the challenging logic of feeling while my friend's... the provocative feeling of the rationale. And we both are scales.

It shook me. For a moment I was asking why I slipped. I did not want more. I did not yearn for a fairy tale because the bond was more than enough reality for me. And then I realized: it's just me. It's still me. A rookie almost pretending to be an expert, a seasoned someone.

I had to move on. I have to continue walking with my amigo - the one person who does not know that what he does is exactly what I want done.

If I survived my frankness, then I can survive this. And I realize: it's still me. It's just me. You can never tell. You can never assume.

Drugged

Drugged.

I look at the ceiling. White. With glowing stars and moons and rocket ships. Some asteroids and comets colliding. Nice. A splendid view. Magical. Glamorous. Calming my senses.

I see my angel up on my ceiling. Smiling plainly at me. With frozen tears. Wearing a cloak of sadness. And then I ask myself: what does the angel do up there? What is my angel? What is an angel?

Fly. I fly away. From my bed to my ceiling. And maybe in a while, I will fly out from my window. Uh-oh.... This is not suicide. It's just a lovely escape away from YOU.

Of Typhoon, Music and Drowning

Aretha sings. Ms. Typhoon goes a-mighty strong. The clouds all a-clutter. Reasons all flung up in the gloomy sky. And I think aloud. I give you a piece of my weather. Internal weather.

I am so wet, soaking wet with words that I can already drown. I drown, then sink, sink, sink.

The wind is like a band of various chants, different instruments playing a universal ballad-LOVE. Yes, love. The first forecast of my own climate. That kind when a whirlwind becomes such a usual prediction. The type that makes me want to just raise the white flag and sleep. Give up. Give in.

Now, Blur buzzes in. Another kind of chill, but same feeling I get from Aretha. Beetlebum. And Ms. Typhoon raging outside.

Still, I am so wet. I keep on swimming and drowning... in a lake of wishful thinkings, vivid reveries and one truth: HIM.

[my] boo boo

Oops. I broke my cup.
A brimful cup of freshly brewed me.

I refuse to admit
it was boiling, yet cold
like
a glass... it was
full of clear, but
blank representations.

Oops. I broke my cup.
My bad.

Beautiful

he

keeps all
things
beautiful,

beautiful,

beautiful.

then he
keeps all
to himself.

this is beautiful...

beautiful,

beautiful.

Bintana at Salamin

Sa harap ko: ikaw.
tumatagos ang titig, lumalamig ang tingin.
Ano ba ang alam mo?
Mga gusali, ang buwan at ilaw:
puro salita, purong diwa ay hangin.
Ano ba ako?

Tatayo, maglalakad, maninigarilyo.
Susulyap sa aking kaibigan:
Papatak na ba?
Hindi mapakali, napapakamot sa ulo.
Titigil... at isang palaisipan:
May luha na?

Sa harap ko: ikaw.
Sumisigaw ang pipi pero tikom ang labi.
Umiiyak ang mga matang nagyeyelo sa manhid...
Sa bintana. Sa bintanang salamin.

G Minor

Take me away as I cannot think. I strum our guitar and the tune feels right. The strings, how rough they are to my delicate hands, hit me to the core. They have their own sound, the guitar has its own music.

Come here. Let me hear you. Sing. Sing. Sing.

G minor... I cannot even play you.